Friday, September 26, 2014

((( TITO PUENTE )))





"By virtue of his warm, flamboyant stage manner, longevity, constant touring, and appearances in the mass media, Tito Puente is probably the most beloved symbol of Latin jazz. But more than that, Puente managed to keep his music remarkably fresh over the decades; as a timbales virtuoso, he combined mastery over every rhythmic nuance with old-fashioned showmanship -- watching his eyes bug out when taking a dynamic solo was one of the great treats for Latin jazz fans. A trained musician, he was also a fine, lyrical vibraphonist, a gifted arranger, and played piano, congas, bongos, and saxophone. His appeal continues to cut across all ages and ethnic groups, helped no doubt by Santana's best-selling cover versions of "Oye Como Va" and "Para Los Rumberos" in 1970-1971, and cameo appearances on The Cosby Show in the 1980s and the film The Mambo Kings in 1992. His brand of classic salsa is generally free of dark undercurrents, radiating a joyous, compulsively danceable party atmosphere.

Rooted in Spanish Harlem, of Puerto Rican descent, Puente originally intended to become a dancer but those ambitions were scotched by a torn ankle tendon suffered in an accident. At age 13, he began working in Ramon Olivero's big band as a drummer, and later he studied composing, orchestration, and piano at Juilliard and the the New York School of Music. More importantly, he played with and absorbed the influence of Machito, who was successfully fusing Latin rhythms with progressive jazz. Forming the nine-piece Piccadilly Boys in 1947 and then expanding it to a full orchestra two years later, Puente recorded for Seeco, Tico, and eventually RCA Victor, helping to fuel the mambo craze that gave him the unofficial -- and ultimately lifelong -- title "King of the Mambo," or just "El Rey." Puente also helped popularize the cha-cha during the 1950s, and he was the only non-Cuban who was invited to a government-sponsored "50 Years of Cuban Music" celebration in Cuba in 1952.

Among the major-league congueros who played with the Puente band in the '50s were Mongo Santamaria, Willie Bobo, Johnny Pacheco, and Ray Barretto, which resulted in some explosive percussion shootouts. Not one to paint himself into a tight Latin music corner, Puente's range extended to big-band jazz (Puente Goes Jazz), and in the '60s, bossa nova tunes, Broadway hits, boogaloos, and pop music, although in later years he tended to stick with older Latin jazz styles that became popularly known as salsa. In 1982, he started reeling off a string of several Latin jazz albums with octets or big bands for Concord Picante that gave him greater exposure and respect in the jazz world than he ever had.

An indefatigable visitor to the recording studios, Puente recorded his 100th album, The Mambo King, in 1991 amid much ceremony and affection (an all-star Latin music concert at Los Angeles' Universal Amphitheatre in March 1992 commemorated the milestone), and he kept adding more titles to the tally throughout the '90s. He also appeared as a guest on innumerable albums over the years, and such jazz stars as Phil Woods, George Shearing, James Moody, Dave Valentin, and Terry Gibbs played on Puente's own later albums. Just months after accepting his fifth Grammy award, he died on June 1, 2000. Several months later, Puente was recognized at the first annual Latin Grammy Awards, winning for Best Traditional Tropical Perfomance for Mambo Birdland".

~ Richard S. Ginell, Rovi

TITO PUENTE


Thursday, September 25, 2014

((( CRUCIFIED WITH CHRIST )))






THOUGHT FOR THE DAY:

Last night I drove by a church that has a sign out front. 
The current letters spell out: "I was crucified with Christ". 
I thought, "That's great! I never see Jesus around anywhere. 
I would appreciate it if I never see YOU around anywhere either."



Wednesday, September 17, 2014

((( MESSAGE TO HUMANITY )))







When angered by the peasant idiots in a skeptics forum I felt inspired to create an Xtranormal animation video sharing some of the most important information I've heard from Mother Nature.

Of course, the skeptics didn't like it, but they don't like ANYTHING I produce so it doesn't bother me. I expected as much from those blind faith science believing skeptics

So, let me get this straight: Darwin writes a controversial book called The Origin of Species when he doesn't have so much as a clue how any species originated!!! Darwin's THEORY involves speculation about what happened AFTER species originated, yet he called the book The Origin of Species. HELLO!!! DOES ANYONE SEE SOMETHING STRANGE HERE???




Tuesday, September 16, 2014

((( CHUG A LUG )))





Chug-a-lug, chug-a-lug
Make you want to holler hi-de-ho
Burns your tummy, don'tcha know?
Chug-a-lug, chug-a-lug

Grape wine in a Mason jar
Homemade and brought to school
By a friend of mine 'n' after class
Me and him and this other fool decide

That we'll drink up what's left
Chug-a-lug, so we helped ourself
First time for everything
Hmm, my ears still ring

Chug-a-lug, chug-a-lug
Make you want to holler hi-de-ho
Burns your tummy, don'tcha know?
Chug-a-lug, chug-a-lug

4-H and FFA
On a field trip to the farm
Me 'n' a friend sneak off behind
This big old barn where we uncovered

A covered-up moonshine still
And we thought we'd drink our fill
And I swallered it with a smile
Bll-bbb, I run ten mile

Chug-a-lug, chug-a-lug
Make you want to holler hi-de-ho
Burns your tummy, don'tcha know?
Chug-a-lug, chug-a-lug

Jukebox 'n' sawdust floor
Sumpin' like I ain't never seen
And I'm just goin' on fifteen
But with the help of my finaglin'

Uncle I get snuck in
For my first taste of sin
I said, "Lemme have a big old sip"
Bll-bbb, I done a double back flip

Chug-a-lug, chug-a-lug
Make you want to holler hi-de-ho
Burns your tummy, don'tcha know?
Chug-a-lug, chug-a-lug


*New Karaoke Song




Monday, September 15, 2014

((( DO-WACKA-DO )))





I hear, tell you're doin' well
Good things have come to you
I wish I had your happiness
And you had a do-wacka-do-wacka-do
Wacka-do-wacka-do-wacka-do

They tell me you're runnin' free
Your days are never blue
I wish I had your good luck charm
And you had a do-wacka-do-wacka-do
Wacka-do-wacka-do-wacka-do

Yeah, I see you goin' down the street in your big Cadillac
You got girls in the front and got girls in the back
Yeah, and way in the back, you got money in a sack
Both hands on the wheel and your shoulders right back

I hear, tell you're doin' well
Good things have come to you
I wish I had your happiness
And you had a do-wacka-do-wacka-do
Wacka-do-wacka-do-wacka-do

Yeah, you're goin' down the street in your big Cadillac
You got girls in the front and got girls in the back
Yeah, and way in the back, you got money in a sack
Both hands on the wheel and your shoulders right back

I hear, tell you're doin' well
Good things have come to you
I wish I had your good luck charm
And you had a do-wacka-do-wacka-do
Wacka-do-wacka-do-wacka-do


*New Karaoke Song




Sunday, September 14, 2014

((( $13,000.00 POOP )))


Meet Paris Hilton's $13K Puppy, Mr. Amazing



opener



MY COMMENT:

Are you kidding?

I pay more for my non-GMO hot dogs than that!


Thirteen-thousand-dollars for a puppy??

She should call him Mr Poopy



'If you're happy and you know it,

and you really want to show it,

If you're happy and you know it

CLAP YOUR HANDS!!!'


(Ooohhhh, poor puppy!!!)


Get the maid to clean

the poop off your hands, Paris!




((( THEN I KISSED HER )))





Well, I walked up to her
And I asked her if she wanted to dance
She looked really nice and I hoped
That she might take a chance

When we danced I held her tight
Then I walked her home that night
We looked up at the stars that were shining bright
And then I kissed her

Each time I saw her
I couldn't wait to see her again
I had to let her know
That I was more than a friend

I didn't know just what to do
And so I whispered I love you
And she said that she loved me too
And then I kissed her

I kissed her in a way
That she'd never been kissed before
I kissed her in a way
That I hope she'd liked for evermore

I knew that she was mine
So I gave her all the love that I had
Then one day she'll take me home
To meet her mom and her dad

Then I asked her to be my bride
And always be right by my side
She was so happy that she almost cried
And then I kissed her

And then I kissed her
And then I kissed her


*New Karaoke Song



Tuesday, September 9, 2014

((( THE GAME OF LOVE )))





The purpose of a man is to love a woman
And the purpose of a woman is to love a man
So come on baby let's start today, come on baby let's play
The game of love, love, la la la la la love

It started long ago in the Garden of Eden
When Adam said to Eve, "Baby, you're for me"
So come on baby let's start today, come on baby let's play
The game of love, love, la la la la la love

Come on baby 'cause the time is right
Love your daddy with all your might
Put your arms around me, hold me tight
Play the game of love

The purpose of a man is to love a woman
And the purpose of a woman is to love a man
So come on baby let's start today, come on baby let's play
The game of love, love, la la la la la love

Come on baby 'cause the time is right
Love your daddy with all your might
Put your arms around me, hold me tight
Play the game of love

The purpose of a man is to love a woman
And the purpose of a woman is to love a man
So come on baby let's start today, come on baby let's play
The game of love, love, la la la la la love

The game of love baby, the game of la la la la love
The game of love baby, the game of la la la la love
The game of love baby

*New Karaoke Song



((( TRY IT!! )))





THOUGHT FOR THE DAY:

If you draw an absolutely straight line absolutely straight up 
and extend it for about 500 billion, trillion light years
...you will find yourself back on Earth. 

If you don't believe me. Try it!




Monday, September 8, 2014

((( NO PARTICULAR PLACE TO GO )))





Ridin' along in my automobile
My baby beside me at the wheel
I stole a kiss at the turn of a mile
My curiosity runnin' wild
Cruisin' and playin' the radio
With no particular place to go

Ridin' along in my automobile
I'm anxious to tell her the way I feel
So I told her softly and sincere
And she leaned and whispered in my ear
Cuddlin' more and drivin' slow
With no particular place to go

No particular place to go
So we parked way out on the kokomo
The night was young and the moon was bold
So we both decided to take a stroll
Can you imagine the way I felt?
I couldn't unfasten her safety belt

Ridin' along in my calaboose
Still tryin' to get her belt aloose
All the way home I held a grudge
For the safety belt that wouldn't budge
Cruisin' and playin' the radio
With no particular place to go


*New Karaoke Song



Sunday, September 7, 2014

((( FATHER GUIDO SARDUCCI - 1980 )))





I'd consider going to his church

After a few months of rigorous

Iron Balls Fu!



Apparently, God pays you $14.50 a day for being alive. When you die and finally meet God He looks you in the eye...then pays you. After that He tabulates your sins and you eventually have to pay for your sins...in cash. God does not accept checks, credit cards, or money orders. If you end up not having enough money you have to come back to Earth...as a nun.





((( IRON BALLS FU! )))





Shaolin Kung Fu birth control methods begin at 0:42.

Knock it all you like, but IT WORKS!!!
All it takes are hours and hours and hours and hours everyday 
7 days a week and YOU TOO will never need
artificial birth control ever again!!!
Either that or your baby will be born
with a 'punched in' looking face

I mean, I understand being devoted but
you have to draw the line somewhere, right guys?

Take a deep breath, relax and envision....
How Chuck Norris's Christian wife would react
if she saw Chuck doing these Kung Fu exercises

"STOP IT!!! ARE YOU CRAZY???? STOP IT!!!!!!"

leave it to Buddhists to come up with training like this!

Spanking your 'monkey' is just not good enough for these guys

How the heck these guys are so well trained
and still look like rather skinny wimps is beyond me!
Brace yourselves. This is Iron Balls Fu!

"My nuts are like a brick wall"

I swear, my willy hurts just thinking of this video!




Friday, September 5, 2014

((( I GOT THIS EMAIL )))






I GOT THIS EMAIL:

From: Spedowske, Gretchen
Sent: Thursday, September 04, 2014 9:41 PM
To: Spedowske, Gretchen
Subject:

Good day to you,

l am the Chief Risk Officer and Executive Director of China Guangfa Bank in Hong Kong. I want to present you as the owner of 49.5 million USD In my bank since i am the only one aware of the funds due to my investigations. signify your interest by replying to this email: jameshk7@rogers.com
James Morrow.

MY RESPONSE:

Where the fuck were you when I needed 49.5 million dollars? Nowhere to be found. Now you can go fuck yourself! I just may use Skype to call you at the China Guangfa Bank in Hong Kong and tell you myself!!

How do you say 'go fuck yourself' in Chinese?

I mean, if you truly are the "only one aware of the funds due to my investigations" why don't you keep the money yourself? Because someone else who has no idea the money is there might find out?



Tuesday, September 2, 2014

((( THIS IS WISDOM )))





THIS IS WISDOM:

YOUR life is yours and MY LIFE is mine

I AM responsible to make my life over any wonderful way I may see fit. 
You also have the responsibility to make your life whatever you may want your life to be

YOUR LIFE IS NONE OF MY BUSINESS

MY LIFE IS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS

If I choose to try to help others it is done as a gesture of gratitude and appreciation to the Source of All who has been merciful and generous with me. I no longer believe I can actually help anyone else. At best, I can give them the tools to help themselves. If they refuse to use those tools my responsibility for that person is OVER, PERIOD!!!

Trying to force a solution upon someone who does not truly want a solution is the activity of a fool!

I rarely watch the news, but as I watched a news summary, this morning, the lesson I have just shared rang true more 'loudly' in my consciousness than ever before in my life!!

I am NOT here to "save the world". That is Jesus' job and good luck with that!

And so I have no desire to see anything bad happen to ANYONE. If worse comes to worst...I just won't look.

The greatest revenge I can ever have upon anyone is to become COMPLETELY OVERFLOWINGLY SUCCESSFUL in the manifestation of all my most wonderful hopes and dreams.

And what are those?

To live an increasingly Strong, Healthy, Happy life; overflowing with Abundant Prosperity having much extra to share with whoever inspires me to express my gratitude and appreciation to the Spirit. 

To keep the Source of All laughing and happy for I've learned: as long as the Source of Everything is laughing everything is fine in my life. When that force stops laughing and smiling...

ALL HELL BREAKS LOOSE!!!!!

And so I share this precious wisdom with you. May it be a treasure in your life, whoever you may be




((( THE SIMS 4 )))




So, do you want a clear idea what it's like to be God?


Okay, I'm going through an epiphany here!

I just discovered the new Sims 4 game

and I'm suddenly remembering what I've been told

as to why there are so many horrible things going on in the world


IT HAS TO DO WITH BOREDOM

Supposedly, sweet and nice all the time eventually leads to boredom

When dealing with eternity it eventually makes you LITERALLY INSANE!!!

You eventually become insanely desperate for something different to do


That's why our memories are erased as we enter these lives


WE DON'T WANT TO REMEMBER!!!

THAT'S WHY WE CHOSE TO LIVE THESE LIVES!!!

WE WANTED TO TEMPORARILY FORGET THE BOREDOM

THAT COMES WITH HAVING THINGS SWEET AND NICE ALL THE TIME!!!


We are eternal beings and these bodies we have are like clothing

We wear them for a while then they eventually wear out

and we leave to go do something else


How we treat these lives determines how we will be treated after we die


If, after reviewing our lives, we truly feel

that we do not deserve to be rewarded then

even if rewarded we will not be able to appreciate it


Supposedly, people would rather be burning in hell

than be bored with their existence


I'm talking about secrets of the universe here

that will most probably just go over your heads and out

even as it should


These secrets have been revealed to me and they are only for me

Chances are they will mean next to nothing to you

and that's as it should be


Fact of the matter is:

WE ARE A BUNCH OF SIMS CHARACTERS!!!





Monday, September 1, 2014

((( BREAKING THE LIGHT BARRIER )))







When I recently broke the light barrier, 

in my modified flying space garbage can, 

I instantly found myself in Alpha Centauri 

and was forced to fix the light barrier I had broken. 

I was hoping for an award or something