My whole life stopped and went to proverbial 'half-mast' when I read that Robin Williams had committed suicide. It really hit me hard. I could feel his spirit communicating with me before and after his trial with God. Before he was in a darkness that I believe is a 'waiting room' of sorts and he could sense that his only hope was to do his best to make me funnier. I was angry at the thought that I was being tricked again by my imagination or some impostor demonic force and I drunkenly yelled: IF YOU DON'T MAKE ME FUNNIER I'LL THROW YOU INTO HELL MYSELF, YOU SON OF A BITCH!!! WHAT ARE ASPIRING COMICS SUPPOSED TO DO IF THEY HAVE A BAD NIGHT? THINK OF YOU AND KILL THEMSELVES???
After Robin's trial there was much more light around him and he seemed very happy. In my mind's eye I could see that he looked young and in his prime. Robin was relieved that he could finally think clearly again. His financial problems from being too generous and being bled proverbially dry by his ex-wives was over and so were his alcohol and substance abuse issues.
Robin Williams told me his trial with God ended something like this:
ROBIN: Gosh, thank you so very much for forgiving me because of the powerful anti-depressant medication I was taking that made me suicidal and robbed me of my creativity. Plus knowing I had parkinsons disease to look forward to didn't help AT ALL!! Not to mention my ex-wives who were sending me into bankruptcy. I don't think there is an American male out there who doesn't sometimes fantasize killing himself just so that he doesn't have to pay alimony.
GOD: I understand
ROBIN: So then the rumors are true that Jesus survived the cross and was eventually forced to pay alimony?
GOD: NO!!!
ROBIN: I understand
Well, I'm going to do my best to make your chosen one funny, but...well...we both know that I tend to curse when I do comedy. I mean, that's me! I hope you don't mind...too much
GOD: It's okay, as long as you don't overdo it
ROBIN: When do I overdo it?
GOD: YOU ALWAYS OVERDO IT!!!
ROBIN: shit!
GOD: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
ROBIN: By the time I get through with this guy NO ONE will consider electing him as a 'true prophet of God'
GOD: I'm sure he'll appreciate that!
ROBIN: For the life of me I can't imagine any jokes I'd want to tell the audience while I'm being stoned to death
GOD: It seems to me you'd want to tell your jokes BEFORE they decide to stone you
ROBIN: If the audience is anything like the CBS television network they'd stone me no matter when I decide to tell my jokes. That show would not have been canceled if I was allowed to say “FUCK YOU” at least once in every episode. It would have given the show a sincerity it desperately needed
GOD: Well, you give it your best. That's all I ask
ROBIN: And if I don't...TO HELL WITH ME!!!!!! Got it!!!
And so...
If you believe in reincarnation pray you don't come back as a pair of my undershorts because I eat so much Mexican food whenever I fart I'm tempted to yell: FIRE IN THE HOLE!!!!!!! It doesn't take long before my poor underpants look like someone was dropping tiny Hiroshima bombs in the area where I explode. Oh, brace yourself!!!
((( FIRE IN THE HOLE!!!! )))
I've noticed that more and more people are driving electric cars. The thought of having solar panels on the roof of your house and an electric car that all you have to do is plug in when you get home sounds appealing. Unless, of course, you live in an area of the world where the sun doesn't shine for 8 months out of the year. Break out the sled and husky dogs and pray they haven't turned gay. If they have I predict you're going to have a long wait before they get over that next 'hump'.
I think I'll wait until they come out with the 'Black Ho' version of an electric car. That's the electric car with a sensor that knows when you have arrived at your house. Just as you leave the car a black woman's voice yells:
“DON'T FOGET TO PUT THE PLUG IN MAH ASS, BITCH!!!!!!”
No one's laughing. Damn!!!!!
UPDATE:
Supposedly, Robin has asked God if he could share some important things he has learned since his death. God has, supposedly, given Robin permission to do so through me, but God says that he might as well not bother as, to the atheists, it will be just a lot of crazy nonsense. Still, Robin is determined to at least try before giving up and so:
Robin says he was an atheist at the time of his death and that if he truly believed in God he would not have taken his life as he did. Since he was certain he would cease to exist upon death he took his life in despair over his financial troubles and his inability to be funny and snap out of his depression.
Upon knowing he was actually dead he what shocked to find he still existed and suddenly realized that ALL ATHEISTS ARE DEAD WRONG!!! Awareness does indeed survive death!!! Upon realizing this he became incredibly afraid of the implications of as he noticed a darkness, unlike anything he had ever know, surround him. He instinctively knew he was supposed to patiently wait and review his life doing whatever he could to prepare himself for his audience with God.
Robin is not allowed to say too much about the matter, but he is allowed to say:
Staunch professional atheists like Richard Dawkins boldly say that evolution is a fact. For evolution to be a fact science would have to be able to demonstrate, with repeatable scientific experiments, that God does not exist and that consciousness and life can evolve from inanimate matter. Why? Because at the time of the supposed “Big Bang” any life that might have existed would most certainly have been completely destroyed in the explosion, that's why.
Of course, atheists like Richard Dawkins are too dumb, moronic ignorant to realize this and so boldly state that evolution is a fact with nothing to back it up besides a modicum of evidence and lots of wild mythological stories that gullible atheist suckers accept as hard, cold fact; brainwashed idiot fools that they are!
I mean, saying that a number of fossils proves conclusively that there is no God and that natural selection evolved life while having no conscious awareness and no overall purpose in doing so IS ABSOLUTELY LUDICROUS!!! If science had repeatable scientific experiments to back such a ridiculous claim science would have something to stand on. What evidence science does have is sorely inadequate to substantiate such an outrageous “theory”!
It must be remembered that a THEORY can eventually be proven incorrect while a FACT cannot eventually be proven incorrect. Until science can demonstrate how consciousness and life can evolve from inanimate matter the THEORY of evolution will always remain a “theory”, period!!
'I just learned that Satan has a son and daughter and is divorced. Why does it not surprise me that Satan is divorced? He tends to refer to his ex-wife as "THAT BITCH!!" I hear you, man, I hear you! Satan says that if it was around, at the time, he would have been married in a Catholic church with lots of pre-fondled choir boys in the "PEE-YOUs". I guess it doesn't take much imagination to envision that all the dead popes who ever existed do not find this joke funny. Then again, it's hard to find anything funny...when you're burning in hell, right?
Supposedly, it's horrible in hell, but...at least they're not bored'
-Robin Williams
'Let's get 'real', shall we. No matter how you 'slice' it, having a lesbian woman playing the part of Peter Pan just doesn't 'cut' it! So, I want everyone reading this to write the Disney corporation and tell them to kill their idea of having Rosie O'donnell play the new Peter Pan in the movie they are considering making. If Disney asks you how you knew tell them Robin Williams told you from beyond the realm of the dead. That should get their attention.
C'mon, man! Rosie O'Donnell playing Peter Pan?? Not even gay guys like that concept!! Face it. Rosie will NEVER be voted home 'coming' 'queen' at any gay pride parade. That's a 'given', right?
-Robin Williams
'When I found out the guy who played the father in the TV show The Brady Bunch was gay I had me a hissy fit and started squealing like a pig! NOOOOOO, it couldn't be true, BUTT it was!!! Considering this, if they were to do a remake of the show for the 21st century I would imagine the theme song would be more along these 'lines':
Here's a story,
of a lesbian lady,
who was raising three very lovely girls,
the youngest one in curls,
Then she met,
a male gay fruity,
who was raising three boys of his own,
So they decided to get together,
and give up sex
The Brady Bunch
The Brady Bunch
That's the way they be-CAME
The Brady Bunch
~ Robin Williams ~
FROM AN ARTICLE ABOUT THE RIOTS IN FERGUSON MISSOURI. PRESIDENT OBAMA SAID:
“I’ll be watching over the next several days to assess whether, in fact, it’s helping rather than hindering progress in Ferguson,” the president said, underlining that he had expressed his concerns to Nixon by telephone."
MY COMMENT:
Obama has a telephone that can call the dead? Say hi to 'tricky Dickey' for me and, Obama, don't be shy! Give me a call!! My area code and number is:
000-000-SHIT
That's OH OH OH - OH OH OH SHIT and if you call in the next ten-minutes you'll get an extra call FREE! Just pay shipping and handling which, from Limbo, can be very expensive. Oh, did the Catholics do away with "Limbo"? We'll we're still dancing it here!!
'Limbo lower now. How low can you go!!'
What can I say? Dead people are desperate for a laugh
-Robin Williams
'Hey, it's not easy turning being bi-polar into a multi-million-dollar career with most of the money going to my ex-wives'
-Robin Williams
'I've got nothing against faggots. However, having two-heads results in having two opposing opinions on certain subjects. There are times when my willy reacts to a beautiful woman and I have to put willy in his place. 'NO, NO, NO!!! Down, boy!!!' So, I have nothing against faggots, but my 'Duck Commander' willy does. Should I deny my willy freedom of thought? If I put such matters to a democratic vote the vote is usually always tied and it's a stalemate. Willy votes yes and I vote no. Still, both of us agree that fucking ducks and fucking faggots is not in our best interest.
It's confession time:
When I first saw an ad for the movie Free Willy I automatically assumed it was a movie about sexual suppression. I asked myself why there was a picture of a kid and a whale advertising a movie about sexual suppression? When I found out Free Willy was a movie about a kid and a whale I was so embarrassed! I said to myself, "Man, you've got to start thinking more about fish!"
-Robin Williams
"OYE VAY, Erinie! Dat is wit-out a doubt the dumbest idea I have ever hoyd!! Ernie? Ernie Moskowitz are you listening to me??" And just like 'that' Ernie had died of a heart attack! I feel so bad about it because...I don't miss him at all.'
-Fido Moskowitz
'Since his accident, the hard of hearing actor Gary Busey is being considered nowhere near tactful enough to be on the hit show Celebrity Big Brother. I just watched his entrance to that show and here is a scene I would rather have seen:
Gary enters the Celebrity Big Brother house and is first met by a black man sporting dread locks.
BLACK DREAD: Hi, my name is Jamal
GARY: What?
BLACK DREAD: My name is Jamal
GARY: What? Another nigger named Jamal?? What are you buttfuckers taking over the Earth?
(Break to a commercial)
Is it any wonder why CBS cancelled my show?
-Robin Williams
'It wasn't too long ago that science change the pronunciation of their planet Uranus (it sure ain't my planet) from YOUR-ANUS to URINE US. Why? Obviously because urine smells a lot better than your anus, right?
Actually, I wouldn't mind urinating on science since they had me hopelessly addicted to drugs that eventually robbed me of all will to live. Fact of the matter is I'd rather pee on them than show them my anus. It's a safer option. You never can tell with these guys'
-Robin Williams
'What the heck is going on with all these TV commercials where talking farm and other animals need auto insurance? I mean, what has science been up to lately that farm animals, and geckos, need auto insurance? I think I saw one ad with a duck. Another with a frog, but I don't believe he's talking yet. Give science another year on that one.
I guess it's becoming normal for a cop to pull someone over and to find that a pig is driving the car. Well, at least the officer in the commercial didn't seem impressed. Makes you wonder what kind of sobriety test is given to a pig if he's suspected of drunk driving
((( SQUEEEEEEEEEEEAALLLLLL!!! )))
Like I always say: If you're gonna let your dog drive the car, make certain he has...a valid license'
-Robin Williams
