((( "I DON'T UNDERSTAND BRITAIN AT ALL" )))

What?

Ain't cha' got no class or ability to recognize talent?

Bunch of cockney Muldoons!!

Amazing how dumb people are

So many waiting for days and days and days on long lines
just to get up there and give these types of performances

You gotta know all their friends and relatives must have told them they were great
or they wouldn't be there at all

What does this mean?

It means their friends and relatives sing even worse!

((( I HAVE A DREAM!! )))

I HAVE A DREAM!!!

I have a dream of one day going to New York City a very rich man!

I'll go to the fanciest restaurant in town

then have my limo driver take me for a sightseeing tour of

THE EMPIRE STATE BUILDING

I'll take the King Kong tour from the inside up,

go to the top and look out over

the expansive New York City skyline then...

THROW UP!!!!

Of course there will be a few people down at the bottom filming it

I want to see who it hits

Big chunks of half-digested steak

bouncing off people's heads

Oooh! Ooooh! Gotta do it during rush hour!!!

God, I love the human race!

In my imagination they are great fun...

to throw up on!

Hey, you may not approve, but...

everyone needs to have a dream!!!

((( X-STANK!! )))

I dunno. I guess I need to get a better life

I mean, what the hell am I doing watching this video anyhow?

Good?

WHAT GOOD???

I must admit I got a real kick out of watching one of these things

punch the other in the face!

I watched that part over and over and over and etc

I guess I'm just evil 

Plain evil

((( MONY MONY )))

Here she comes now, say Mony, Mony

Shoot 'em down, turn around, come on Mony

Hey, she give me love and I feel all right now

You gotta toss and turn in the middle of the night

And I feel all right

I say yeah

(Yeah)

Yeah

(Yeah)

Yeah

(Yeah)

Yeah

(Yeah)

Yeah

(Yeah)

'Cause you make me feel

(Mony, Mony)

So

(Mony, Mony)

Good

(Mony, Mony)

Yeah

(Mony, Mony)

So

(Mony, Mony)

Good

(Mony, Mony)

Come on

(Mony, Mony)

All right baby

(Mony, Mony)

Say yeah

(Yeah)

Yeah

(Yeah)

Yeah

(Yeah)

Yeah

(Yeah)

Yeah

(Yeah)

Yeah

(Yeah)

Wake me, shake me, Mony, Mony

Shot gun dead and come on, Mony

Don't stop cookin', it feels so good yeah

Don't stop now, hey come on Mony

Come on Mony

Yeah

(Yeah)

Yeah

(Yeah)

Yeah

(Yeah)

Yeah

(Yeah)

Yeah

(Yeah)

'Cause you make me feel

(Mony, Mony)

So

(Mony, Mony)

Good

(Mony, Mony)

Yeah

(Mony, Mony)

Alright

(Mony, Mony)

Come on

(Mony, Mony)

So good

(Mony, Mony)

All right

(Mony, Mony)

I Say yeah

(Yeah)

Yeah

(Yeah)

Yeah

(Yeah)

Yeah

(Yeah)

Yeah

(Yeah)

Ahh!

Oh I love you Mony, Mo, Mo, Mony

(Shut up you)

Oh I love you Mony, Mo, Mo, Mony

(So good)

Oh I love you Mony, Mo, Mo, Mony

(All right)

Oh I love you Mony, Mony

Said Mony, Mony

Yeah

(Yeah)

Yeah

(Yeah)

Yeah

(Yeah)

Yeah

(Yeah)

Come on

(Come on)

Come on

(Come on)

Come on

(Come on)

Mony, Mony

(All right)

Mony, Mony

(All right)

Mony, Mony

(Come on)

Yeah

(Yeah)

Yeah

(Yeah)

*New Karaoke Song

((( SIMS 4 POOL PARTY! )))

The new Sims 4 pools are very...'cool' (pun intended)

My first Sims 4 pool party was a blast!

Well, I learned the hard way again

that having one male and two females in a household

always leads to sadness from jealousy

The only solution is to kick the sad person out of the household

then bring him or her back in new again
Either that or wait 7 to 12 Sims hours
for the twit to snap out of it!

I view Sims 4, at best, as a potential game that can be used for self-improvement. However, I finally realized, after making the Space Crazy Party video, that the only created household where I have the potential for improving myself is with my created household I call:

THE PERFECT HOUSEHOLD

In the Perfect Household I re-create myself and have to create a twin in order to keep the women in the household from getting jealous. Death is a member of my super-rich household and Death pays the bills.

I like the concept that some invisible force, in this case me, gives my Perfect Household thousands upon thousands of dollars so that they are rich enough to do anything they choose to do. Whatever they may need is provided by their magic genie; which just so happens to be me.

((( CAT FIGHT!! )))

Bitch slapping required!!

Oh, c'mon hair pulling and bitch-slapping

PUHLEEEEEEEEEZE!!!

((( MARILYN MANSON BEFORE AND AFTER )))

Before and After

Hey! It works!!!

'Y' because we like you

M-O-U-S-E



Marilyn Manson day at a Disney theme park

should prove interesting,

don't cha think?

((( TIP TOE THROUGH THE TULIPS: TINY TIM )))

Tiptoe through the window

By the window, that is where I'll be

Come tiptoe through the tulips with me

Oh, tiptoe from the garden

By the garden of the willow tree

And tiptoe through the tulips with me

Knee deep in flowers we'll stray

We'll keep the showers away

And if I kiss you in the garden, in the moonlight

Will you pardon me?

And tiptoe through the tulips with me

*Absolutely Ridiculous
New Karaoke Song
Complete with fart noises

((( LAY LADY LAY )))

Lay lady lay
Lay across my big brass bed
Lay lady lay
Lay across my big brass bed

Whatever colors you have in your mind
I show them to you and you see them shine

Lay lady lay
Lay across my big brass bed
Stay lady stay
Stay with your man a while
Until the break of day
Let me see you make him smile

His clothes are dirty but his, his hands are clean
And you are the best thing that he's ever seen

Stay lady stay
Stay with your man a while

Why wait any longer for the world to begin
You can have your cake and eat it, too
Why wait any longer for the one you love
When he's standing in front of you

Lay lady lay
Lay across my big brass bed
Stay lady stay
Stay while the night is still ahead

I long to see you in the morning light
I long to reach for you in the night

Stay lady stay
Stay while the night is still ahead

*New Karaoke Song

((( THE BEATLES: ANNA )))

Anna, you come and ask me girl

To set you free, girl

You say he loves you more than me

So I will set you free

Go with him

(Anna)

Go with him

(Anna)

Anna, girl, before you go now

I want you to know now

That I still love you so

But if he loves you more

Go with him

All of my life

I've been searching for a girl

To love me like I love you

Oh, now

But every girl I've ever had

Breaks my heart and leaves me sad

What am I, what am I supposed to do?

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh

Anna, just one more thing girl

You give back your ring to me

And I will set you free

Go with him

All of my life

I've been searching for a girl

To love me like I love you

But let me tell you now

But every girl I've ever had

Breaks my heart and leaves me sad

What am I, what am I supposed to do?

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh

Anna, just one more thing girl

You give back your ring to me

And I will set you free

Go with him

(Anna)

Go with him

(Anna)

You can go with him girl

(Anna)

Go with him

*New Karaoke Song

((( BIG BAD JOHN )))

Big John

Big John

Ev'ry mornin' at the mine you could see him arrive

He stood six foot six and weighed two forty five

Kinda broad at the shoulder and narrow at the hip

And everybody knew, ya didn't give no lip to Big John

(Big John, Big John)

Big Bad John

(Big John)

Nobody seemed to know where John called home

He just drifted into town and stayed all alone

He didn't say much, he kinda quiet and shy

And if you spoke at all, he just said, "Hi" to Big John

Somebody said he came from New Orleans

Where he got in a fight over a Cajun Queen

And a crashin' blow from a huge right hand

Sent a Louisiana fellow to the Promised Land, Big John

(Big John, Big John)

Big Bad John

(Big John)

Then came the day at the bottom of the mine

When a timber cracked and men started cryin'

Miners were prayin' and hearts beat fast

And everybody thought that they'd breathed their last, 'cept John

Through the dust and the smoke of this man made shell

Walked a giant of a man that the miners knew well

Grabbed a saggin' timber, gave out with a groan

And like a giant Oak tree, he just stood there alone, Big John

(Big John, Big John)

Big Bad John

(Big John)

And with all of his strength he gave a mighty shove

Then a miner yelled out, "There's a light up above"

And twenty men scrambled from a would-be grave

Now there's only one left down there to save, Big John

With jacks and timbers they started back down

Then came that rumble way down in the ground

And then smoke and gas belched out of that mine

Everybody knew it was the end of the line for Big John

(Big John, Big John)

Big Bad John

(Big John)

Now they never reopened that worthless pit

They just placed a marble stand in front of it

These few words are written on that stand

At the bottom of this mine lies a big, big man, Big John

(Big John, Big John)

Big Bad John

(Big John)

(Big John)

Big Bad John

*New Karaoke Song

((( GRANDIO SO )))

LETTER TO MY DENTIST:

Dear Dr K,

Since it comes from the company website I believe this is the OFFICIAL safety data sheet for BPA-free Grandio So:

http://www.voco.com/en/products/_products/GrandioSO/sdb-Grandio-SO-E-rev_00-120810.pdf

I just spoke with a representative of the company and he says the safety data sheet contains any dangerous substances

THE GOVERNMENT HAS OFFICIALLY DETERMINED ARE DANGEROUS

Since the government has not OFFICIALLY determined the chemical BPS is dangerous even if it is in Grandio So it will not be listed.

http://www.infowars.com/corporations-add-equally-toxic-bps-to-bpa-free-products/

THAT COULD CHANGE ANY DAY, but as it now stands, Grandio SO has been on the market for a few years and no one has exhibited any adverse reactions from it.

After speaking with the representative I now feel it all comes down to what we choose to believe. No matter where you may go on the Internet there are all sorts of conflicting opinions on many diverse subjects. We have to weigh out the evidence and finally decide...WHAT WE CHOOSE TO BELIEVE because we cannot be absolutely certain about the things we have not personally verified.

My conversation with the Grandio SO representative has been very enlightening for me. What he taught me has wider ramifications than just the Grandio SO product. It expands to encompass EVERYTHING I choose to believe in life; religion, politics, GMO, fluoride, etc, etc, etc....

So, I choose to believe Grandio SO is, at least, one of the very best BPA free composite fillings material available. If this is what you have ordered I also choose to believe that with your many years of experience, as a dentist, you are more than qualified to remove these amalgam fillings and replace them with Grandio SO.

I choose to have faith in you, Dr K. So let's schedule an appointment, okay?


Thanks,

((( SIXTEEN TONS )))

Some people say a man is made outta mud

A poor man's made outta muscle and blood

Muscle and blood and skin and bones

A mind that's a-weak and a back that's strong

You load sixteen tons, what do you get

Another day older and deeper in debt

Saint Peter don't you call me 'cause I can't go

I owe my soul to the company store

I was born one mornin' when the sun didn't shine

I picked up my shovel and I walked to the mine

I loaded sixteen tons of number nine coal

And the straw boss said "Well, a-bless my soul"

You load sixteen tons, what do you get

Another day older and deeper in debt

Saint Peter don't you call me 'cause I can't go

I owe my soul to the company store

I was born one mornin', it was drizzlin' rain

Fightin' and trouble are my middle name

I was raised in the canebrake by an ol' mama lion

Cain't no-a high-toned woman make me walk the line

You load sixteen tons, what do you get

Another day older and deeper in debt

Saint Peter don't you call me 'cause I can't go

I owe my soul to the company store

If you see me comin', better step aside

A lotta men didn't, a lotta men died

One fist of iron, the other of steel

If the right one don't a-get you

Then the left one will

You load sixteen tons, what do you get

Another day older and deeper in debt

Saint Peter don't you call me 'cause I can't go

I owe my soul to the company store

*New Karaoke Song

((( ELUSIVE BUTTERFLY )))

You might wake up some morning

To the sound of something moving past your window in the wind

And if you're quick enough to rise

You'll catch the fleeting glimpse of someone's fading shadow

Out on the new horizon

You may see the floating motion of a distant pair of wings

And if the sleep has left your ears

You might hear footsteps running through an open meadow

Don't be concerned, it will not harm you

It's only me pursuing something I'm not sure of

Across my dreams with nets of wonder

I chase the bright elusive butterfly of love

You might have heard my footsteps

Echo softly in the distance through the canyons of your mind

I might have even called your name

As I ran searching after something to believe in

You might have seen me runnin'

Through the long abandoned ruins of the dreams you left behind

If you remember something there

That glided past you followed close by heavy breathing

Don't be concerned, it will not harm you

It's only me pursuing something I'm not sure of

Across my dreams with nets of wonder

I chase the bright elusive butterfly of love

Across my dreams with nets of wonder

I chase the bright elusive butterfly of love

*New Karaoke Song

((( RACE RIOTS )))

When I was a kid this book came out

and was an INSTANT HIT among us kids

It seemed all of us bought a copy and laughed and laughed

The book was so popular at school that

it came VERY CLOSE to being BANNED by school officials

So, I just thought about this book 

and, for the heck of it, checked to see if I could find it at Amazon

((( VOILA!!! )))

There it was!!!

Only one copy and that copy was used

the only reason someone else didn't buy it 

was because they felt that $20.00 was too much to pay

GOOD NEWS FOR ME!!!

I JUST BOUGHT IT!!!

I probably will no longer laugh at a single joke, but

ah, what the heck!

There was one joke I believe

was on the back of the book that I'll always remember

It said:

"I'm not racist. I hate everybody!"

*And I just found out it has already shipped!


UPDATE

I just put the book down to write this update

Amazon can be very magical indeed!



2ND UPDATE

I finally started reading it and all I can say is...

now I know why the book is out of print

Man, have I ever changed!


Oh well....

Guess the 'joke's' on me

C'mon, there's gotta be at least one joke

in this friggin book that still makes me laugh

Puhleeeeeeeeeze!!!!