((( TIP TOE THROUGH THE TULIPS: TINY TIM )))

Tiptoe through the window

By the window, that is where I'll be

Come tiptoe through the tulips with me

Oh, tiptoe from the garden

By the garden of the willow tree

And tiptoe through the tulips with me

Knee deep in flowers we'll stray

We'll keep the showers away

And if I kiss you in the garden, in the moonlight

Will you pardon me?

And tiptoe through the tulips with me

*Absolutely Ridiculous
New Karaoke Song
Complete with fart noises

((( LAY LADY LAY )))

Lay lady lay
Lay across my big brass bed
Lay lady lay
Lay across my big brass bed

Whatever colors you have in your mind
I show them to you and you see them shine

Lay lady lay
Lay across my big brass bed
Stay lady stay
Stay with your man a while
Until the break of day
Let me see you make him smile

His clothes are dirty but his, his hands are clean
And you are the best thing that he's ever seen

Stay lady stay
Stay with your man a while

Why wait any longer for the world to begin
You can have your cake and eat it, too
Why wait any longer for the one you love
When he's standing in front of you

Lay lady lay
Lay across my big brass bed
Stay lady stay
Stay while the night is still ahead

I long to see you in the morning light
I long to reach for you in the night

Stay lady stay
Stay while the night is still ahead

*New Karaoke Song

((( THE BEATLES: ANNA )))

Anna, you come and ask me girl

To set you free, girl

You say he loves you more than me

So I will set you free

Go with him

(Anna)

Go with him

(Anna)

Anna, girl, before you go now

I want you to know now

That I still love you so

But if he loves you more

Go with him

All of my life

I've been searching for a girl

To love me like I love you

Oh, now

But every girl I've ever had

Breaks my heart and leaves me sad

What am I, what am I supposed to do?

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh

Anna, just one more thing girl

You give back your ring to me

And I will set you free

Go with him

All of my life

I've been searching for a girl

To love me like I love you

But let me tell you now

But every girl I've ever had

Breaks my heart and leaves me sad

What am I, what am I supposed to do?

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh

Anna, just one more thing girl

You give back your ring to me

And I will set you free

Go with him

(Anna)

Go with him

(Anna)

You can go with him girl

(Anna)

Go with him

*New Karaoke Song

((( BIG BAD JOHN )))

Big John

Big John

Ev'ry mornin' at the mine you could see him arrive

He stood six foot six and weighed two forty five

Kinda broad at the shoulder and narrow at the hip

And everybody knew, ya didn't give no lip to Big John

(Big John, Big John)

Big Bad John

(Big John)

Nobody seemed to know where John called home

He just drifted into town and stayed all alone

He didn't say much, he kinda quiet and shy

And if you spoke at all, he just said, "Hi" to Big John

Somebody said he came from New Orleans

Where he got in a fight over a Cajun Queen

And a crashin' blow from a huge right hand

Sent a Louisiana fellow to the Promised Land, Big John

(Big John, Big John)

Big Bad John

(Big John)

Then came the day at the bottom of the mine

When a timber cracked and men started cryin'

Miners were prayin' and hearts beat fast

And everybody thought that they'd breathed their last, 'cept John

Through the dust and the smoke of this man made shell

Walked a giant of a man that the miners knew well

Grabbed a saggin' timber, gave out with a groan

And like a giant Oak tree, he just stood there alone, Big John

(Big John, Big John)

Big Bad John

(Big John)

And with all of his strength he gave a mighty shove

Then a miner yelled out, "There's a light up above"

And twenty men scrambled from a would-be grave

Now there's only one left down there to save, Big John

With jacks and timbers they started back down

Then came that rumble way down in the ground

And then smoke and gas belched out of that mine

Everybody knew it was the end of the line for Big John

(Big John, Big John)

Big Bad John

(Big John)

Now they never reopened that worthless pit

They just placed a marble stand in front of it

These few words are written on that stand

At the bottom of this mine lies a big, big man, Big John

(Big John, Big John)

Big Bad John

(Big John)

(Big John)

Big Bad John

*New Karaoke Song

((( GRANDIO SO )))

LETTER TO MY DENTIST:

Dear Dr K,

Since it comes from the company website I believe this is the OFFICIAL safety data sheet for BPA-free Grandio So:

http://www.voco.com/en/products/_products/GrandioSO/sdb-Grandio-SO-E-rev_00-120810.pdf

I just spoke with a representative of the company and he says the safety data sheet contains any dangerous substances

THE GOVERNMENT HAS OFFICIALLY DETERMINED ARE DANGEROUS

Since the government has not OFFICIALLY determined the chemical BPS is dangerous even if it is in Grandio So it will not be listed.

http://www.infowars.com/corporations-add-equally-toxic-bps-to-bpa-free-products/

THAT COULD CHANGE ANY DAY, but as it now stands, Grandio SO has been on the market for a few years and no one has exhibited any adverse reactions from it.

After speaking with the representative I now feel it all comes down to what we choose to believe. No matter where you may go on the Internet there are all sorts of conflicting opinions on many diverse subjects. We have to weigh out the evidence and finally decide...WHAT WE CHOOSE TO BELIEVE because we cannot be absolutely certain about the things we have not personally verified.

My conversation with the Grandio SO representative has been very enlightening for me. What he taught me has wider ramifications than just the Grandio SO product. It expands to encompass EVERYTHING I choose to believe in life; religion, politics, GMO, fluoride, etc, etc, etc....

So, I choose to believe Grandio SO is, at least, one of the very best BPA free composite fillings material available. If this is what you have ordered I also choose to believe that with your many years of experience, as a dentist, you are more than qualified to remove these amalgam fillings and replace them with Grandio SO.

I choose to have faith in you, Dr K. So let's schedule an appointment, okay?


Thanks,

((( SIXTEEN TONS )))

Some people say a man is made outta mud

A poor man's made outta muscle and blood

Muscle and blood and skin and bones

A mind that's a-weak and a back that's strong

You load sixteen tons, what do you get

Another day older and deeper in debt

Saint Peter don't you call me 'cause I can't go

I owe my soul to the company store

I was born one mornin' when the sun didn't shine

I picked up my shovel and I walked to the mine

I loaded sixteen tons of number nine coal

And the straw boss said "Well, a-bless my soul"

You load sixteen tons, what do you get

Another day older and deeper in debt

Saint Peter don't you call me 'cause I can't go

I owe my soul to the company store

I was born one mornin', it was drizzlin' rain

Fightin' and trouble are my middle name

I was raised in the canebrake by an ol' mama lion

Cain't no-a high-toned woman make me walk the line

You load sixteen tons, what do you get

Another day older and deeper in debt

Saint Peter don't you call me 'cause I can't go

I owe my soul to the company store

If you see me comin', better step aside

A lotta men didn't, a lotta men died

One fist of iron, the other of steel

If the right one don't a-get you

Then the left one will

You load sixteen tons, what do you get

Another day older and deeper in debt

Saint Peter don't you call me 'cause I can't go

I owe my soul to the company store

*New Karaoke Song

((( ELUSIVE BUTTERFLY )))

You might wake up some morning

To the sound of something moving past your window in the wind

And if you're quick enough to rise

You'll catch the fleeting glimpse of someone's fading shadow

Out on the new horizon

You may see the floating motion of a distant pair of wings

And if the sleep has left your ears

You might hear footsteps running through an open meadow

Don't be concerned, it will not harm you

It's only me pursuing something I'm not sure of

Across my dreams with nets of wonder

I chase the bright elusive butterfly of love

You might have heard my footsteps

Echo softly in the distance through the canyons of your mind

I might have even called your name

As I ran searching after something to believe in

You might have seen me runnin'

Through the long abandoned ruins of the dreams you left behind

If you remember something there

That glided past you followed close by heavy breathing

Don't be concerned, it will not harm you

It's only me pursuing something I'm not sure of

Across my dreams with nets of wonder

I chase the bright elusive butterfly of love

Across my dreams with nets of wonder

I chase the bright elusive butterfly of love

*New Karaoke Song

((( RACE RIOTS )))

When I was a kid this book came out

and was an INSTANT HIT among us kids

It seemed all of us bought a copy and laughed and laughed

The book was so popular at school that

it came VERY CLOSE to being BANNED by school officials

So, I just thought about this book 

and, for the heck of it, checked to see if I could find it at Amazon

((( VOILA!!! )))

There it was!!!

Only one copy and that copy was used

the only reason someone else didn't buy it 

was because they felt that $20.00 was too much to pay

GOOD NEWS FOR ME!!!

I JUST BOUGHT IT!!!

I probably will no longer laugh at a single joke, but

ah, what the heck!

There was one joke I believe

was on the back of the book that I'll always remember

It said:

"I'm not racist. I hate everybody!"

*And I just found out it has already shipped!


UPDATE

I just put the book down to write this update

Amazon can be very magical indeed!



2ND UPDATE

I finally started reading it and all I can say is...

now I know why the book is out of print

Man, have I ever changed!


Oh well....

Guess the 'joke's' on me

C'mon, there's gotta be at least one joke

in this friggin book that still makes me laugh

Puhleeeeeeeeeze!!!!

((( WALK RIGHT BACK - THE EVERLY BROTHERS )))

I want you to tell me why you walked out on me

I'm so lonesome everyday

I want you to know that since you walked out on me

Nothin' seems to be the same old way

Think about the love that burns within my heart for you

The good times we had before you went away, oh me

Walk right back to me this minute

Bring your love to me, don't send it

I'm so lonesome everyday

I want you to tell me why you walked out on me

I'm so lonesome everyday

I want you to know that since you walked out on me

Nothin' seems to be the same old way

Think about the love that burns within my heart for you

The good times we had before you went away, oh me

Walk right back to me this minute

Bring your love to me, don't send it

I'm so lonesome everyday

I'm so lonesome everyday

I'm so lonesome everyday

I'm so lonesome everyday

*New Karaoke Song

((( SLIM WHITMAN SAVES THE WORLD )))

Oo-Oo-Oo-Oo, Oo-Oo-Oo-Oo

When I'm calling you

Oo-Oo-Oo-Oo, Oo-Oo-Oo-Oo

Will you answer too?

Oo-Oo-Oo-Oo, Oo-Oo-Oo-Oo

That means I offer my life to you to be my own

If you refuse me I will be blue, waiting all alone

But if when you hear my love call ringing clear

Oo-Oo-Oo-Oo, Oo-Oo-Oo-Oo

And I hear your answering echo so dear

Oo-Oo-Oo-Oo, Oo-Oo-Oo-Oo

Then I will know our love will become true

You'll belong to me and I'll belong to you

Then I will know our love will become true

You'll belong to me and I'll belong to you

*New Save The World Karaoke Song!

My New Vocal Hero!

The cattle are prowlin', the coyotes are howlin'

Way out where the doggies roam

Where spurs are a jinglin' and the cowboy is singing

His lonesome cattle call

He rides in the sun 'til his days work is done

And he rounds up the cattle each fall

Singing his cattle call

For hours he would ride on the range far and wide

When the night wind blows up and slow

His heart is a feather in all kinds of weather

He sings his cattle call

He's browned as a berry from ridin' the prairie

And he sings with an old western drawl

Singing his cattle call

*New Karaoke Song

((( RAY HARRYHAUSEN )))

The movies of Ray Harryhausen

has us kids captivated with their artistry

Just knowing he made every movement, of his creatures, frame-by-frame

was astounding to us in its realism

Nowadays I see CGI animation and pretty much take it for granted

Yeah, it looks real, but it's too seamless

It seems all the artistry of the days of Ray Harryhausen are gone

and there is no going back

except by watching old Harryhausen movies

At about 47:35 into this documentary you see something very rare
As a matter of fact I have NEVER seen it done like this before
Ray Harryhausen is filmed creating a skeletal animation movement
It is sped up so that you can see how he actually did it
and can gain an appreciation for how difficult the process was for him

I just got through editing a special video segment, for myself,
where I have the skeletal animation sequence playing over and over and over
many, many, many times without any sound
just so I can study the process.

It's hypnotically astonishing to watch!

((( KING OF THE CARLTON )))

I don't care bout nufum!

I'm a' gonna learn dis dance

((( VO 1 STAR TRUCK )))

Doing the voice over for Star Truck was quite an experience with the Xtranormal company. The first version was done with the stock program voices and did it ever sound stiff!!

Man, what a challenge for my voice to do all those voices. Sounding like a street-walking black ho was the worst. I guess it should hurt me the most, right? Serves me right for making Star Treak Uhura talk like that.

Since the Star Trek bridge was interracial I thought I would go all out and have silly fun with the concept. I NEVER let my mother, who lives thousands of miles away, see this video. Ohhhhhhh, she won't like it!

This is only for the strong who can take it

If you go to church regularly do yourself a favor and don't watch this video, okay?

Hey, you were warned, right?

This video is dedicated to how disappointed I was to find that one of the original Enterprise bridge-crew is gay. Which one? Watch the video and take a wild guess


Vulgar?

Politically incorrect?

Obscene?

Yup, that's me!

((( BILLIONAIRE LIFESTYLES )))

Okay, at the 14:00 minute mark when the guy said

this billionaire's private jet has 24 carat gold cup holders

that was it!

I paused the video and 

decided to get at least somewhat drunk

on cheap vodka I get on sale

It's bad enough that the vodka is cheap,

but I only buy it when it's

ON SALE!!!

I mean, these billionaires should have

their balls dipped in gold

WHAT'S THE MATTER, RICH GUY?

CAN'T AFFORD IT?

For crying out loud!

But...I guess if you have the money

what are you supposed to do, scrimp and pinch every penny?

Or maybe you should give it all to Africa

so they can say 'thank you'

BY GIVING YOU EBOLA!!!

Do you know what I would rather have than a private jet?

Being invited to ride on one


First I'd go to a Mexican food restaurant and eat LOTS OF BEANS,

then board the jet and start making

my own brand of jet fuel!!


I would never get invited on one again,

but it would be one hell of a memory!

((( RESPECT )))

What you want

Baby, I got it

What you need

You know I got it

All I'm askin'

Is for a little respect when you get home (just a little bit)

Hey baby (just a little bit) when you get home

(just a little bit) mister (just a little bit)

I ain't gonna do you wrong while you're gone

Ain't gonna do you wrong cause I don't wanna

All I'm askin'

Is for a little respect when you come home (just a little bit)

Baby (just a little bit) when you get home (just a little bit)

Yeah (just a little bit)

I'm about to give you all of my money

And all I'm askin' in return, honey

Is to give me my profits

When you get home (just a, just a, just a, just a)

Yeah baby (just a, just a, just a, just a)

When you get home (just a little bit)

Yeah (just a little bit)

Ooo, your kisses

Sweeter than honey

And guess what?

So is my money

All I want you to do for me

Is give it to me when you get home (re, re, re ,re)

Yeah baby (re, re, re ,re)

Whip it to me (respect, just a little bit)

When you get home, now (just a little bit)

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

Find out what it means to me

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

Take care, TCB

Oh (sock it to me, sock it to me

Sock it to me, sock it to me)

A little respect (sock it to me, sock it to me

Sock it to me, sock it to me)

Whoa, babe (just a little bit)

A little respect (just a little bit)

I get tired (just a little bit)

Keep on tryin' (just a little bit)

You're runnin' out of fool (just a little bit)

And I ain't lyin' (just a little bit)

(re, re, re, re) When you come home

(re, re, re ,re) 'spect

Or you might walk in (respect, just a little bit)

And find out I'm gone (just a little bit)

I got to have (just a little bit)

A little respect (just a little bit)

*New Karaoke Song